A Little Slice Of Cardiopathy

There seems to be a competition in progress between pizza delivery companies to see which one can devise the menu most likely to cause you to clutch your chest and crumble to your knees, gasping for breath, as a white light appears and your dead grandmother calls to you. I know pizza isn't exactly a health food at the best of times, but the latest plan to boost the income of the big pizza companies (suggested motto: "Delivering Death To Your Door, One Disc At A Time") is dessert. Yes, after indulging in five pizzas for $5, or whatever the latest offer is, customers have to be persuaded that they will need another course.This being a pizza company, dessert was never going to be a slice of watermelon, was it? These desserts, now advertised at every conceivable opportunity on TV, basically consist of big chunks of dough, either covered in chocolate, wrapped around chocolate or to be dipped in chocolate. Don't get me wrong - I like a bit of unhealthy food. Tonight I had fried fish and chips, for instance. But this stuff is just taking the piss. It's like daring your heart to give out on you.And when you watch the commercials, what do all the people ordering the pizza, plus doughy dessert, plus two litre bottle of sugary Pepsi, look like? They're all slim, healthy and happy, of course, just like all the people in TV Advertiser Land. Where are all the lardy fat bastards with buttocks that hang either side of their chairs, who inhabit all the pizza places I've ever been? That's what I want to know...