Money For Nothing

Having been away for more than a week, I was not surprised that there was some mail awaiting me on my return. However, since Mrs Bison had already binned all the obvious junk mail, there were only two things left - a statement which showed that my investment portfolio was now worth fuck-all, and a letter from the University where I got my MBA. The basic thrust of this letter was that they would like me to give them some money. Preferably lots of money, and on a repeated basis. In fact, they would be only too happy to deduct the money from my credit card if I would be so kind as to give them the number.I simply do not understand the concept of giving money to colleges and universities. Sure, if you're a billionaire who has an ego with its own zip code, and they're going to name an arts center after you, you may as well write a big check. (After all, you can't take it with you.) But for the rest of us this is a transaction with no upside. Let's imagine, by way of analogy, that you just bought a new car. A few weeks later you get a letter from the dealership asking if you'd like to make a donation so that people less fortunate than you can also buy a car, and so that they can build a new showroom with more comfortable seats an a coffee machine. You may be inclined to bin the letter with a snort, and an exclamation such as "They must be fucking joking!" So why is a university any different?To put this in perspective, 4-year college tuition rates rose by 7% in 2007, and have consistently risen by 50% more than the inflation rate. While automobile prices continue to fall in real terms, even as more features are added, college costs continually increase, while they find new ways to screw you. If they want to build a new school of architecture they can bloody well pay for it themselves. Colleges are incredibly wealthy - Harvard has a $35 billion endowment. If they gave away college educations for free they'd be hard-pressed EVER to run out of money. In fact they'd be able to do it entirely from the interest on their portfolio, without eating into the principal.Universities like to whine about how they use your money to help out poorer people. But how does that work? You pay for a college education not on the basis of what it's worth, or on the basis of supply and demand, but on some socialist principle of "from each according to their ability, to each according to their need". If their program is too expensive why don't they reduce the cost? If the car dealership wants to help poor people get into a car they should sell cheaper cars, or cut their prices. In business we have to continually strive to cut costs in order to stay competitive. Not in the world of higher education though - they can just stick it to us with ever-higher prices while putting their hand out for more free money. The key thing is that they already have MORE than enough money to help out poorer students without guilting the rest of us into doing it for them.It won't be that long until Bison Daughter is old enough to go to college. When that time comes I know for a fact that my alma mater will swiftly move from "We love you, please give us some money" to "You earn too much, here's your giant bill". So in joyful anticipation of that moment, here's my response to your donation request: You Can Fuck Right Off.